So I am awfully sick! My nose is runny and my throat hurts like a bitch. And I have a bubble in my throat which is basically this weird chocking sensation that makes you feel like you have a bubble in your throat..... I haven't eaten anything for a while now at least nothing after the anti-corruption rally I attended Yesterday..... So I have been pure for over sixteen hours, Something Ana is proud about......
Ana hits me at the weirdest of times. She isn't there constantly and I am thankful for that. I think she is trying to ease me back into that lifestyle slowly so I won't have the urge to run away from it again.... She is here right now sprawled out on the bed next to me listening to music. She was urging me to go to the subway across from my apartment and buy a diet coke. Fizzy drinks make me feel better when I'm sick. plus my dad is somewhere in Atlanta right now and is too far away to make me his famous Iranian feel better chicken noodle soup. Now I love my aunt's place but Ana doesn't . She hates the fact that we have to sneak around and even then I am stuck consuming about 1000 cals every day..... if I manage to stick to 500 cals today then I'll start the ABC from today....... Ana refuses to let me take any of the meds except a mild painkiller because when I feel sick, I don't have hunger cravings..... Ana made me pre-pone my ticket.
"Wow S, you have gotten chubbier. Your face is as round as a ball." My uncle said smiling.
I smiled back at him while the world started moving in slow motion and the world drowned out.
"Look you pathetic fat BITCH! i told you to let me help you. Did you not even see how much you ate for lunch? How could you not be fat. I wouldn't have eaten that much in two days let alone in under an hour!!!!!!"
I held the tears from letting out. I'll do better I promise." I muttered.
"Just another empty promise S, Something that's starting to loose it's effect." she said sighing.
"I looked at her undeniably perfect face atop her perfect body and whispered. "Ana I haven't forgotten you. I never can. You just left me too fast too soon. I need you twenty four seven until I can reach that stage where the most I can eat in a day is half a subway sandwich. Even when you are not around."
"I gave you more credit than you deserved. I won't leave you. I over estimated your abilities. I won't blame you for this but I'm never leaving your side again." she said.
I excused myself and went to the bathroom, shut the door and cried my eyes out for a good five minutes. I wanted nothing more than to make her proud. Something I had OBVIOUSLY failed to do.
Ana came is soon after and wiped my tears with the cuff of her sleeve. she gave me a hug and a familiar wave of Dejavu washed over me and I let her lead me out. Certain I would never make her ashamed of me again.
Ana hits me at the weirdest of times. She isn't there constantly and I am thankful for that. I think she is trying to ease me back into that lifestyle slowly so I won't have the urge to run away from it again.... She is here right now sprawled out on the bed next to me listening to music. She was urging me to go to the subway across from my apartment and buy a diet coke. Fizzy drinks make me feel better when I'm sick. plus my dad is somewhere in Atlanta right now and is too far away to make me his famous Iranian feel better chicken noodle soup. Now I love my aunt's place but Ana doesn't . She hates the fact that we have to sneak around and even then I am stuck consuming about 1000 cals every day..... if I manage to stick to 500 cals today then I'll start the ABC from today....... Ana refuses to let me take any of the meds except a mild painkiller because when I feel sick, I don't have hunger cravings..... Ana made me pre-pone my ticket.
"Wow S, you have gotten chubbier. Your face is as round as a ball." My uncle said smiling.
I smiled back at him while the world started moving in slow motion and the world drowned out.
"Look you pathetic fat BITCH! i told you to let me help you. Did you not even see how much you ate for lunch? How could you not be fat. I wouldn't have eaten that much in two days let alone in under an hour!!!!!!"
I held the tears from letting out. I'll do better I promise." I muttered.
"Just another empty promise S, Something that's starting to loose it's effect." she said sighing.
"I looked at her undeniably perfect face atop her perfect body and whispered. "Ana I haven't forgotten you. I never can. You just left me too fast too soon. I need you twenty four seven until I can reach that stage where the most I can eat in a day is half a subway sandwich. Even when you are not around."
"I gave you more credit than you deserved. I won't leave you. I over estimated your abilities. I won't blame you for this but I'm never leaving your side again." she said.
I excused myself and went to the bathroom, shut the door and cried my eyes out for a good five minutes. I wanted nothing more than to make her proud. Something I had OBVIOUSLY failed to do.
Ana came is soon after and wiped my tears with the cuff of her sleeve. she gave me a hug and a familiar wave of Dejavu washed over me and I let her lead me out. Certain I would never make her ashamed of me again.
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